By JOANNE BRIANA-GARTNER
Yes, the newspaper industry has seen some trying times lately. Luckily (for me at least), local newspapers remain a good source for reliable news and young people, surprisingly, are still entering the field of journalism, so it’s likely that trustworthy news (and, smugly, newsprint) will remain available—at least for those folks who prefer it to alternative facts.
But think for a moment what would be lost if print newspaper did go away completely. What would it mean, not only for those of us who prefer to tuck a newspaper into our beach bag instead of (or along with) an iPhone, tablet, or other reading device? What will the fishmonger wrap your fresh striper in? What will you cover the table with when your 2-year-old wants to finger paint?
Consider it. Eliminating print newspaper would leave a void in many parts of your daily routine. There’s a lot of life left in your paper—even when the Sudoko is finished:
1. Packing material. No one would be able to move without newspapers to wrap up dishes, wine glasses, and those commemorative Franklin Mint decorative Elvis Presley plates. Think about it. Your children might never be able to move out.
2. Papier mâché. You made something with papier mâché just last week, right? Well, if you didn’t, chances are there’s an elementary school student nearby who did. Perhaps the messiest of all school art projects, papier mâché could scarcely exist without those strips of newspaper dipped in the water-and-paste solution that is papier mâché. Speaking of school art projects: what would the art teacher cover all those desks with without an unending supply of donated newspapers to rely on?
3. Weed control. Many gardeners use newspapers in their gardens to keep the weeds down—a bio-degradable barrier. Industrious gardeners have also made newspapers into tiny planters, started seeds in them indoors, and then transplanted both the plant and planter into the garden.
4. Pirate hats and newspaper boats. Remember in “Curios George Rides A Bike,” when Curious George sailed his fleet of newspaper boats down a stream after promising his friend that he would deliver them?
Don’t worry—your Enterprise carrier would never do that.
5. Rainy days. Ball up old newspapers and put them in your wet shoes to help them dry faster. Did my runner husband make this up? Surely other people do it, too.
6. Fire starters. Would anybody besides an Eagle Scout be able to start a wood stove or fireplace without wadded up newspaper below their kindling? I think not.
7. Christmas wrapping. Who hasn’t received something in the mail, a Christmas or birthday present, and been more interested in reading the foreign newspaper it was packed in than in the gift itself? And speaking of Christmas, who hasn’t wrapped a present in the Sunday comics?
8. Train your pet. How would kittens and puppies ever get trained without newspapers? What would you line the guinea pig, hamster, or gerbil cage with? Who needs expensive pet toys when your cat will chase scrunched up paper?
9. Drop cloth. We mentioned kids and finger painting; what about putting it under that chair you are refinishing? The bathroom floor when you administer that summer buzz cut to your kids? On the kitchen table when you transplant the geraniums?
10. Hours of entertainment. I’m pretty sure there’s a movie of my husband or myself shredding up the newspaper in front of our oldest son when he was a baby while he laughed and laughed. Cracked him up overtime. Google babies laugh at ripping paper and see for yourself.